At Thanksgiving 1995, I confided to my husband that I had long thought of adopting a child with special needs. To my great surprise, he agreed that it was something we should investigate, and so began our adventure into the world of FASD.
Unbeknownst to us, only a few short weeks after our momentous decision, a frail baby was born, following a precipitous 30 minute labour, to proud parents Ron and Christine. Whether it was wishful thinking or a recognition that this 4lb 15 oz sickly scrap of humanity would need some heavy mojo, they named him Shawn Michael, after the wrestler. He has indeed become a fighter in more ways than one.
When he came to live with us at the age of 18 months, the first thing we did was change his name, despite vowing that any child we adopted would keep their name as an important link to their first parents. However, since our eldest child was already a Sean, it wasn't a particularly sensible idea to have two. So our newest addition became Michael Shawn, to be known as Mikey.
We couldn't possibly know at that time, how he would change our lives. We have met more doctors and seen the inside of more hospitals than I care to count, we have been told we don't know how to parent a deaf/adopted child because apparently the skills from parenting our two older boys don't transfer to non-birth children, we have had to learn a new language to teach to our child as his first (American Sign Language), we didn't sleep more than an hour and a half at a time for 5 years, we've been told our child shouldn't be allowed to play soccer with the "normal" kids, we've learned that adults can be very ignorant and we were exhausted trying to keep up with Mikey, the school and all the appointments.
We also met many, many incredible people we would otherwise never have met. We love having a new language and we love Deaf culture. We love having an amazing developmental paediatrician who found the right combination of meds for Mikey which allow him and us, to enjoy our lives more fully. We love a school which has embraced us and our recommendations on how to help Mikey succeed, and who continue to strive to make it a great experience for our son, to the extent that he is the only child I ever met who hates PD Days. We are very grateful to the friends we had before who have never wavered in their support of us, and to the many new friends we made across Canada and the US. We could never have survived without finding the caregiver support groups in Toronto and Guelph which sustained us at our lowest ebb and encouraged us to be the kind of parents we needed to be, without judgement.
And most of all, we love Mikey the Fighter who has taught us patience, brings us laughter and love and defies the odds.
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The view is worth the effort!
"Secrecy is the freedom tyrants dream of"
Unless we, as caregivers of a person with FASD, as those who live with FASD, as those who work with clients who are affected, speak out loud and often on the topic, unless we share the diagnosis, the trauma, the crises, no-one will hear, no-one will understand, no-one will help. I believe honesty and openness are vital to improving the lives of those we love and are committed to serving.
The view is worth the effort!
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About Me
- Shiona
- Halton, ON, Canada
- Mother to 3 sons, the youngest of whom has FAS and is profoundly deaf, who has inspired me to become a support group facilitator, advocate and educator around FASD issues. I facilitate an FASD Caregiver support group in Guelph and am available to teach workshops, either alone or with my colleague, on a variety of topics around FASD issues.